On friendship

Hey y’all.

We are kicking ass at this consistency thing eh?!

Anything for y’all!

So, I’ve always been known to have that one close friend ever since I knew or thought I knew what friendship was all about. I’ve never had a group of friends. I sometimes wish I do but I’m happy with the 3 close friends I have.

When I was in primary school, I remember having just one close friend, then I moved on to secondary school where I also had one close friend from JSS1-3, as I changed classes in SS1, I somehow stopped talking to my old close friend and got another close friend. Everyone in school knew us together. We were inseparable!

At this point, i hadn’t realised my habit of dropping close friends once we had nothing in common again and acquiring new ones

Then I moved to another continent at 16 and the prospect of friendship became brighter for me. My first friends happened to be two in one. Two sisters who became my sisters. We talked, gossiped, laughed, cried, read together and it was amazing but then I had to go back home for a year and of course we didn’t speak as often as we used to (If the internet is so horrible now. Imagine how it was over 10 years ago) so of course, the worst happened. We drifted apart. I returned a year after but I didn’t expect them to stay friendless waiting for me to fill the vacuum I left. It wasn’t easy for me and I felt like all my friends had left the country at that point so I kinda just put the whole friendship thing on hold.

Just when i thought all hope was lost, i moved to a new apartment and guess what? I met the most amazing girls. I didn’t want to invest too much so soon because I knew I had less than 2 years left in Med School but as life would have it, we bonded over our life struggles, med school struggles and boy problems. I left but they remained my closest friends till date because i was deliberate about the friendship. I knew i couldn’t continue dropping my close friends as i moved on with life.

Then I moved back to Nigeria in 2015 and it just hit me over 3 years later that I actually have just one close friend in Lagos. I have friends don’t get me wrong. But is the person your person if you can’t call at 2am and expect a response (if they’re awake obvs)?

Adulthood is so hard you guys. It’s a struggle and a half to make friends as an adult. Everyone is so busy with life and i only get to talk to my close friends every other week sometimes month! Honestly, I think that’s alright. I love that everyone now understands this and we always pick up where we left off.

I believe in doing what works for you. I think we don’t need to put so much pressure on friendship. This is not me saying you won’t be deliberate. Oh man, I’m blabbing! You get the point though yes?

Friendship is something I struggle with but I know I’m not the only one struggling.

So I decided to ask a couple of friends (old & new) what friendship means to them and what a true friend is. ( Trust them to give me mini essays when I asked for a couple of sentences.)

Here are some responses I got.

Friendship to me is having someone in your corner that supports you. Someone you can be open to without the fear of being judged, someone to call you out on your bullshit, someone that rejoices with you on your wins. Most of all someone that understands you as a person and wants the very best for you.

A true friend is someone that is there for you through your ups and downs. An honest confidant.

For me, Friendship involves getting to know each other, accepting each other for who we are while still working together to get better where we are not. And because humans continuously evolve, friendship is a continuously evolving relationship.

To me, a true friend is someone who respects, appreciates, encourages and supports you genuinely. It is someone who wants to see you succeed just as much as you want to succeed, at any level and in any area of life. It’s also someone who would not be afraid to correct you when you’re wrong, and to speak the truth when needed. It’s also someone who would defend you in public, but then scold you behind close doors (when you deserve it). And even if you don’t stay in touch, you know you have a true friend when whenever you talk, it feels like they never left.

I think friendship is a bond/connection between two people. You share a special connection with this person and you always want to make sure they are happy..Trust and loyalty is very important for me..Having a listening ear is also important…we don’t need to talk everyday for me(except you are a boy) but you should be willing to listen to me when I need you.. I think a good friend is someone that should be forgiving and patient otherwise the friendship will not last because people always make mistakes and no one is perfect. A good friend should be able to shut his/her damn mouth when i tell you a secret…Now all these things should go both ways…A good friend should be an advisor ( tell you when you are going on the wrong path, to be honest i am struggling with that myself).Some people want good friends but they are terrible friends themselves ( they remember only when they need something 🙄🙄🙄). One thing i can not tolerate in is jealousy (i run away from such friends).

Friendship to me can mean anything or everything, depending on my mood and my viewpoint. Broadly speaking, I’ll say It is a bond or an unspoken agreement between atleast two people. It is that silent force that binds you and restrains you from doing any wrong(intentionally) to the person you’re in that agreement with. It’s way deeper than how we mostly interpret it. Friendship is trust. It is loyalty. It is a commitment. It is a decision. It is a gift that must be cherished. It is openness. It is honest dealing.

A true friend is one who sticks by, regardless of my shortcomings. He/She is one who would go any length to ensure my wellbeing, without necessarily having any expectation. One who genuinely cares and is unbiased in his/her dealings with me. A true friend sings of my strengths and complements my weaknesses. One who harbours hatred and resentment for me, yet laughs with me to my face isn’t a true friend; nothing is wrong with registering one’s displeasure. Forgiveness must have a free course in genuine friendship. Having true friends around me makes me go to bed with zero worries, I know they always have my back.


Don’t you just love the responses! Well, I absolutely enjoyed reading them and to think I didn’t post them all.

Do you agree with the responses? How would you describe a true friend. Most of all, Are you a true friend?

TOSIN

3 thoughts

  1. I can relate to this seeing as we were once so close 😁. I am very intentional when it comes to friendship. I don’t keep many friends too. My bestie is someone I’ve known as far back as high school and although she’s no longer in the country we are still as close as ever! And of course, we initially bonded over novels😂😂😂.

    P.s You’re inspiring me to read more Joy. Been lax on that lately

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  2. I was on your home page and saw this post title and couldn’t help but read it! I can totally relate with you on all levels – from not having a group of friends and having just one or two close ones to ‘dropping’ friends and picking new ones. It actually does hurt sometimes remembering some old friends but we move.
    Making friends as an adult truly is more tedious than when we were younger (especially in the boarding house when we essentially lived with our friends for about 9 months of the year). Now work and so many other things get in the way. This kinda makes me feel like friends made (and kept) in our adult life are precious, because we actually have to be more deliberate in the relationships as it doesn’t just happen. About friends who you don’t talk to for weeks to months but pick off right where you ended? Gold! Especially in this period of our lives.

    Thanks for writing this and letting me know that I am not alone.

    By the way, a friend to me is someone I can trust and be open with, having your back at all times and calling me out when I am wrong, with love. With experience, I’ve realized that there are levels to friendship and some people can’t go above a certain level no matter how much you want them to.

    sisikunmi.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you for reading! I’m so glad you could relate to most of what i wrote. I totally agree with you on how some people can’t go above a certain level no matter how much you want them to.

      Like

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